Sophie

Thunder

sophiexoxo — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:13:04 +0000

This is the highlight of my 2009. It isn’t very deep or good writing… but it’s totally me. Rewind five years. I’m sitting on my bed, window open (‘cause you can never have too much of that great smoky autumn air). My pillows smell like Love Spell and I’m writing in my diary with my pretty blue night lights twinkling above my head. Hero/Heroine is playing from my old purple boombox – sort of floating through the room along with the chilly outside air.

That same year, I am out in my backyard. The air—this air… it is something to write about all by itself. It’s cool and comfortable and smells wonderful. Like smoke from a bonfire and apple cider. I’m laying flat on my back in the cool grass, admiring the sky. There are so many stars dangling right above my face that I could just grab a handful and blow it away, like fairy dust. Next to me is that big familiar Milwaukee radio, hooked up to three different extension cords so it could play Top of the World, just for me.

Boys Like Girls is amazing.

You could say they’re my childhood boy-band. Everything in my life worth writing about has one of their songs attached to it.

And on Wednesday, November 11, I met the boy who shared my childhood with me, and spilled my heart out onto a piece of paper. Martin Johnson was right there, sitting on stage, after the rest of the band was finished with their show and left. Of course, (trying to be savvy) I had to be smooth, so as I pushed my way past the hysterical fangirls, I kept calm and focused on going forward. I was a little girl on Moonlight Road again. This whole “calm” thing wasn’t working out so well…

But I finally got there. That night, I got a glance from across the room, a hug, and a perfect little signature on the front of my concert ticket. I was probably the only girl in the building who went home and cried. It was the most perfect night ever. God hadn’t overlooked the trivial emotions of one sixteen year-old even in the midst of hundreds of others. I was truly, completely happy.

And wherever Boys Like Girls is playing tonight, I hope Martin Johnson realizes that he knows how to make a little girl feel special.

11/23/09 10 P.M.

sophiexoxo — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:37:15 +0000

Sometimes I am sick of writing. Writing is stiff, it is pretentious… it is something you can never be in reality. So why do I need to write? Why can’t everyone just study my heart like I am transparent and see and understand it without the bows or wrapping paper? It is so easy to be a person with clean edges and solutions to the world’s delusions when you write. Want to know what’s hard? Translating yourself.

Being honest.

Who’s Driving?

sophiexoxo — Thu, 28 May 2009 01:02:52 +0000

Ever since I became a Christian at 6 years old, I have had to struggle with giving in completely to God’s will. I didn’t want to let Him carry through with His plan, ususally because I was scared of what rough times living for God might bring. Now, even though it is a daily excercise for me to let Him have His way in my life, I have a feeling of assurance. Even though I may go through trials, it is all within His control.

I Would Die for You

sophiexoxo — Thu, 14 May 2009 12:01:52 +0000

I was blessed with the opportunity to exercise selflessness two summers ago, when my aunt asked me if I wanted to volunteer at her workplace over the summer. I didn’t want to go- going off without my family was intimidating- but I said yes, and when summer came, packed up and headed off to Charlottesville. My week there was a learning experience. I spent a whole work week as a helper to my aunt in the convalescent center rehab. The work was not hard, but I began to understand what it was like being independent and away from my family. I had to do things. It was that week that I realized how dependent I was on my parents. But without them there, I found out how I could help my aunt and the rehab patients, and because I was given every day there a chance to be selfless, I was given a new outlook on my abilities; and have been there every summer since.

Radical Reliance- Who will you fall on?

sophiexoxo — Tue, 12 May 2009 12:47:45 +0000

It was not long ago that I experienced the consequences of relying on my own instincts. I had a friend- we were trying to keep each other accountable spiritually- and I knew that she was not going in the same direction as I was. I was giving an honest effort to change my attitude and “get serious” about my faith… I knew that she was not willing to go all the way. I was aware that she gossiped, even about me, and held onto a facade even I wasn’t allowed to see through. But my wish to gain a close relationship with someone again caused me to ignore what God and my parents warned me about. And one day, I broke through and really saw her. It was a nightmare. Something that had made her jealous caused her to snap, and I saw a terrible and ugly side to someone who had worked so hard to hide it. I realized, after being ripped from that relationship, that if I had listened to what God had been telling me, I could have easily slid out of that situation. This separation was not so smooth. It was jagged and painful, and left me with a mess to clean up. Lesson: I may never fully recover from that, and I know I will never again be any sort of friend to that girl, who I had known all my life. This is how I learned to listen when I am warned… I pray that the memory alone will keep me from falling flat again.

Veiled Reality: What has you distracted?

sophiexoxo — Thu, 07 May 2009 03:21:23 +0000

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where most and rust doth corrupt.” Matthew 6:19

Recently while completing my Beth Moore Bible Study homework in a rush before Bible Study, I ran across this verse, and Moore’s take on it. Even though I had heard this passage many times before, it finally clicked in my mind what Christ was saying. He was addressing people like me. I had had my life planned out for years, and knew exactly the things I wanted to gain from my accomplishments: I wanted a beautiful place to live, with a home stunning enough to be a castle, and the exact gardens to go with it that I had mapped out. I wanted to surround myself only with beauty. But it was not until this time that I understood– this place, this world that i live in is temporary. Nothing that I spend my life working to obtain will last. The only thing I could ever invest in that would outlive my life is what I give to God. I finally realized that was all that was important. And I know that when my work is done, I am happy to say God will give me more beauty than I could ever have here.

Divine Appointment

sophiexoxo — Tue, 05 May 2009 11:28:57 +0000

A time Christ used my disappointment as His divine appointment was last summer, when my youth group had planned a game-day at the church office. I didn’t want to go to this event- I knew none of my friends would be there. Even so, I was forced to accompany my brothers, and arrived to see a group of people I didn’t know. I was introduced to Liubou (I called her Luba), a girl from Belarus who had been sent through a program for Belarussian children, to live with a family from my church. I became friends with her that day, and spent the rest of my summer with Luba, until she had to return to her country. Even though I had been disappointed to go to the game-day, God used it to give me a friend.